Do I have it in me?
Destiny seems unforgiving of my stumbles and falls. There’s always some parallax between my outcomes and yardsticks. New ventures refresh the dread of being uncloseted. Diffidence impounds all efforts. Audacity hides beneath many lies.
Okay, from the top, again, this time with faith on the drums. Alas, faith loses a beat and then two; I struggle inside the bloodthirsty belly of ineptitude.
I steal random relevance from here and there, sew them together – a Frankenstein’s Monster, my work! This absurd compilation is an offspring of vacuity; a spineless entity. Pieces of soul have been peddled in lieu of an audience!
Damn, this integrity, even in failure, I fall short!
Joy is scarce; I am being rationed.
Every new idea is an encumbrance upon the status quo. I bundle ideas, stash them up in the attic, tuck them under disappointment. Come night, and those miserable little pieces of vanity rant out like a hundred cats ordering food. The dissonance clashes with my resistance.
Then the night, when the last winged elephant flies off the earth, the wind, on its way to the other side of the hills, takes a quick detour, tears my doors open.
Purpose is never a function of relevance.
A waterfall in a deep, deep forest,
the star-studded sky,
the waves in the ocean,
do not need a reason, recognition, or reception.
The flutter of your desires, and the surge of your blood,
is all you will ever have and need.
Chimes the wind.
You Do You.
The joy of being a waterfall, only the waterfall knows.
It hangs there, the awareness, like a dewdrop on the tip of a leaf.
I slide my finger under it; it spreads over me in an embrace.
I am the purpose, the doer, the resource, the experiment.
I am the observed, the observer, and the observation!
I am all that is.
It is, it works.
It works, it is.
I do me the way I want me done.
Every now, Every here.
My wholesome, brazen self-indulgence, is an invitation for the whole to expand into me.
In the context of me, rewards are in be-ing and not for being.
The inside is all that is, there is no outside to approve, reward, assess or witness me.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, the joy of me,
Every now, Every here!